Ah, the noble art of teaching toddlers to share. It’s one of those things we’re told is super important—right up there with teaching them to say “please” and “thank you” before they can form full sentences. But here’s the thing: TODDLERS DON’T SHARE THEIR TOYS!.. Not willingly. Not even when they’re promised a cookie for it. And as for your baby, who’s barely able to lift a toy and instead prefers to eat it like a dog… well, good luck.
So there I was, standing in the middle of the day, watching as my toddler screaming and holding a toy truck like it was a priceless heirloom and I was about to give it away to charity. The baby, on the other hand, was sitting nearby, staring at the truck like it was the Holy Grail.
“Sweetheart,” I say in my calmest, most patient voice, “Let’s share the truck with the baby. Sharing is kind.”
My toddler looks at me, his face twisted in disbelief. You’d think I had asked him to give up his favorite car for an auction.
“NOOOOOOO!” He screams, clutching the truck like it’s a life raft on the Titanic. “MINE!”
I take a deep breath. Stay calm, I remind myself. “You can take turns. It’ll be fun. Sharing makes people happy!”
He tilts his head, squints at me, and then, as if he’s just deciphered some ancient betrayal, he pulls the truck closer to his chest, as if to say, “You think I’m going to give this to a baby? A BABY?!”
At this point, the baby, who’s blissfully unaware of the power struggle unfolding in front of him, extends his tiny hand toward the truck. You can almost hear his little brain thinking, “I have no idea what this thing does, but I get my hands on it to annoy him for the day.”
“Look!” I say, trying again. “The baby wants to play with it. Be a good role model. Show him how sharing works!”
And here’s where things go south. He flops on the floor like a star in an award-winning soap opera. “NOOOOO! I want it!!”
The baby, completely oblivious, reaches for the truck again, and my toddler—the child who was just playing with this truck 30 seconds ago—snatches it away in a move that could only be described as Olympic-level defensive play. “MINE!” he shrieks, and at this point, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s not crying.
I try to model the perfect parent response, picking up the truck, setting a 5 minute timer then handing it to the baby (who is now attempting to gnaw on it like it’s a teething ring), and saying, “Look! You can have it back after the baby’s had a turn.”
My toddler, completely unappreciative of my parenting genius, lets out a sound that can only be described as a wounded animal. “WAAAAAH! MIIIIINE! MOMMMMY!!”
And that’s when it hits me. My toddler isn’t learning to share any time soon Oh no. The baby, meanwhile, is so chill, she’s licking the truck and thinking, “This is a weird toy, but I’ll take it.”
I take a deep breath. I try to remain calm. “Okay, okay, look. You had a turn, now it’s the baby’s turn.”
At this point, my toddler throws himself into a full-on tantrum—face down on the floor, feet kicking like he’s trying to start a new trend in interpretive dance. Meanwhile, the baby is still chewing on the truck, blissfully unaware of the toddler drama.
I look at the baby, look at my toddler, and then it happens. The toddler, clearly sensing he’s about to lose his grip on the truck (literally and metaphorically), sprints across the room, grabs the toy back, and hands the baby another toy instead.
“See? That’s why sharing is so great, sweetie,” I say, half-heartedly. “Look at how much fun the baby had with the truck!”
My toddler looks at the baby, looks at the truck, and then, in a move that can only be described as pure toddler genius, shoves the truck into a place neither of them can reach, as if to say, “If I can’t have it, nobody can.”
And that, folks, is how you lose the sharing battle before it even begins.
So, to all the parents out there trying to teach their toddlers to share: I’m right there with you. If you find a way to make it happen without a meltdown, a temper tantrum, or a chew mark on the toy, please let me know. Otherwise, I’ll be in the corner, eating cookies and considering whether I should just throw the toy away and call it a day.
Until then, I’ll continue to hope that my toddler’s “sharing” phase will kick in… sometime before he’s 10.
(And to the baby: You’re going to be just fine. Sharing is overrated anyway.)
